So if you aren’t one of those head cases that can’t take a dump outside of their own home then you’re familiar with the shoe dilemma. I don’t believe there’s an official term for it but I’m hoping you’re picking up what I’m putting down. If not then listen up. “The shoe dilemma” is when you or someone else is taking care of business in a public shitter and the walls of the stall don’t extend all the way to the floor leaving a gap big enough to proudly display the offending party’s footwear.

Now it’s not a foreign concept to me that everybody poops, I’ve read the book. That being said if I’m in the bathroom and I hear something resembling the toilet scene from Dumb and Dumber you better believe I’m dying to know who that poor bastard is.

It’s wild that guy is the same person as this guy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jeff Daniels has range like Steph Curry in a shoot around.

 

Where was I? Oh yea, finding joy in knowing who is was that just put this establishment’s plumbing to the test. If I can I.D. him by those sick kicks he decided to wear today to try to catch the eye of the cute blonde in accounting it’s game over. We’re all guilty of this because deep down a part of us stopped maturing at 12 years old.

Being stuck on the other side of this battlefield is a goddamn nightmare. Maybe you went out for wings and beer last night with the fellas and now after downing a few cups of coffee your GI track has gone full Montezuma’s Revenge on you. There are sights, sounds, and smells present in your foxhole that, if we’re being honest, should probably get you fired. You’re avoiding any chance at being tagged in this like it’s a blackout picture from spring break in Tijuana. Hear the footsteps of someone walking into the bathroom and it might as well have been Freddie Kruger with how silent you’re trying to be. The impromptu round of chicken with the person in the next stall over is a game we’ve all played. Both of you just daring the other to make the first move and reveal themselves.

So shout out to my office for having total enclosure shitters thus ending the shoe dilemma. Ceiling to floor walls, an interior design concept that for some reason is reminiscent of the main lobby of a Holiday Inn, and dim lighting help to provide true peace of mind. Sure you still have to be mindful of waiting until the coast is clear over in the urinals department but it’s so homey in there that I got no problem hanging out for a bit.

It really is the little things that get you through the day.

Holla at ya boy

Twitter: @LlFired